Dear New!Trek Fic Authors,
Do we use the same slang that people used two hundred years ago? If you aren't sure, pick up a Jane Austen novel and think about whether people still talk like that. Oh, they don't? Huh, go figure. So why would the crew of the Enterprise use contemporary slang?
On a related note, just because Kirk drives an old car at the beginning of the movie, it doesn't follow that his mom is going to have a pickup truck that she drives regularly, for instance, or that anyone anywhere regularly drives any kind of vehicle we have now. Pick up that Jane Austen novel again. When's the last time one of your neighbors took a drive in his high flyer with his matched pair of horses? No? Would you credit it, two hundred years changes a lot of shit about culture and technology.
If someone in the Trekiverse has a 20th-century car that they actually drive, and uses slang from the 21st century, they are the eccentric history nerd on the order of someone who drives an antique carriage. Which is fine, don't get me wrong. Some people are like that; hell, I would be one of them, if I could swing it. But these characters are not really supposed to be like that, especially Kirk. (Who would never refer to himself as "cougar bait", seriously. Setting aside the fact that I fucking hope the level of misogyny inherent in contemporary slang for different types of women is no longer evident in 23rd century society, we don't use the slang for different types of women from the beginning of the 19th century now, to the extent that I can't really think off the top of my head what any of it was. And I'm the kind of person who studies that stuff recreationally.)
Although, really, you can't be blamed for it when the costume designers had female characters in the film wearing modern bras. OMFG, a million times NO. Crack a book next time, costume designers! Do you know how fast underpinnings change? Even in the last twenty years, sure, the silhouette has stayed pretty much the same, but look at the bras people were wearing in the late 80s compared to now. Or, in fact, look at the stays women were wearing in the early 1800s. If the undergarments women will be wearing in the 23rd century don't look at least as different from modern bras as Regency stays do, I'll eat my newly-purchased 30FF Fantasie Smoothing Balconette. Or, you know, I would, if I were going to be still alive then.
Which is not to say that the movie isn't otherwise fucking awesome, because it is.
And speaking of the costumes, actually, it does suck that the women are in the minidresses, but I can't see how they could have avoided that for continuity reasons, and anyway those skirts are a good six or eight inches longer than the ones from TOS, which were basically barely-ass-covering tunics and required matching panties. Watch Nichelle Nichols as Uhura sitting in her chair sometime. Realize that when she sits down, no part of the skirt is touching the actual chair.
Anyway. Stop writing blatant anachronisms into your fic. It is seriously jarring. For fuck's sake, this is supposed to be futuristic scifi. Let's act like it, people.