slythwolf: Some unlucky soul has an incomplete Pai Sho set. (Default)
Nigel wants me to proofread his book that he's been working on. I'm willing to do it, and to be ruthless for him, as I have never been able to bring myself to be in peer critique at school (long years of training to be nice to the other kids and not brag and not let on how much I knew that they did not because that way lay weird looks and nobody wanting to play with me).

I told him, I'm willing to do it, but it will be a bit before I can get to it, because I want to get the apartment finished before my doctor's appointment on the 30th so when she asks how the new medication is working I can tell her I cleaned and organized my entire apartment.

He wants it done sooner, because he wants to do his final draft and start sending it out, metaphorically bouncing on the balls of his feet saying "come on come on come on", and I'm sure that has nothing to do with the fact that he promised himself he could have a month of WoW when he finished it.

Truth be told, I wouldn't mind it either, because if he isn't going to play the baby gnome he rolled on my server, I want my 500 gold back.

So anyway, he wants it done sooner, and he asked did I have any books on grammar, because if I'm not going to do it for him he has to learn to do it himself.

And I said, barely looking up from my cross stitch, that I did not believe I had any, because I had never needed them.

Well, of course, he scoffed and gave me the look that people give you when they think you are puffing yourself all up. But it's true.

They taught me the basics in elementary school, nouns and verbs and what a semicolon is for, and the rest I sort of picked up from the ridiculous amount of reading I was doing. To give you a vague idea, in Michigan public schools there is a program called March is Reading Month, and the student in each school who reads the most books in the month of March--or maybe it was in each class, I don't really remember--gets some kind of a prize, gets a free pizza or something. And I always won, even though I was reading books that were, like, five times longer than what the other kids in my class were reading--the books had to be at your reading level, you couldn't be in fifth grade and read See Spot Run (unless, of course, that was where you were). And since my reading level was "grade 13" from the time I was in about second grade, I could pretty much read whatever I wanted. And since I took every chance to read that I could get, I pretty much did.

By "took every chance I could get", I mostly mean that I would sit on the toilet for hours reading, because the bathroom was the one place in the house where nobody could barge in on you and forcibly remove you to make you do something else; and that when I was in about the third grade I figured out that rolling up clothes and stuffing them against the bottom of my door meant my parents couldn't tell when I had my light on, and so I started staying up pretty much all night.

So perhaps I should say I took every chance I could make for myself.

And I read everything I could get my hands on, which wound up being a little bit of everything, and then settled into fantasy fiction, stuff about horses and historical romance novels. (I cannot be having with the contemporary ones. Not entirely sure why.)

So what it comes down to is, I have never turned in anything and had a teacher tell me to fix my grammar, and I can look at your grammar and tell you it is wrong and what it should be, but I don't know, like, all the grammar jargon. And I don't, you know, really care to, because I don't intend to teach it and anyway you don't need to know the jargon to do it correctly.

Anyway, so Nigel wants me to proofread this book of his, and thank fuck I finally convinced him to start printing it double-spaced, because otherwise there was going to be no way I could write on it what I needed to write. But I still have to clean and organize the living room and the dining room first.
slythwolf: Some unlucky soul has an incomplete Pai Sho set. (Default)
"I work in a guitar shop that caters to vintage and collectible guitars."

Wow, really? I have to say I don't know how to feel about that. On the one hand I never realized guitars were sentient and could shop for things, so that's pretty fucking cool; but on the other hand, if they are sentient, it's not okay that they're purchasing other guitars. Also, guitars that aren't vintage or collectible probably find it discriminatory that the shop doesn't cater to them too.
slythwolf: Some unlucky soul has an incomplete Pai Sho set. (Default)
I get seriously het up about the grammar on [livejournal.com profile] fandomsecrets. The #101 secret in yesterday's post has me tearing my hair out because of the phrase "come between our friendship".

COME BETWEEN YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND WHAT?

It is impossible to "come between" ONE THING.

Every damn post there are multiple--MULTIPLE--secrets that have me itching to comment and correct their grammar, but I bite my tongue (metaphorically speaking) because it's so obviously beside the point of the community.

CANNOT HELP IT. IT IRKS. WOLFIE SMASH.

Dear HGTV

Oct. 15th, 2009 02:26 pm
slythwolf: Some unlucky soul has an incomplete Pai Sho set. (Default)
"Spent their money the wisest" is a nonsensical construction. To modify a verb--"spent"--you need an adverb--"wisely". In this case you want "most wisely".

You're welcome.
slythwolf: Some unlucky soul has an incomplete Pai Sho set. (Default)
The past tense of "cost" is "cost". "Costed" is not a word.

The past tense of "hit" is "hit". "Hitted" is not a word.

Tired of this shit. Stop doing it.
slythwolf: Some unlucky soul has an incomplete Pai Sho set. (Default)
I think they are ruining the English language. No, seriously.

Look. Say I'm writing something--I don't know, for whatever reason, I'm emailing someone--and I want to tell them where to find a can of kidney beans in my kitchen. (Maybe I am emailing my husband in response to a question he had asked so he can get off his ass and cook. I don't know. Don't overthink this.) So I type, "The can of kidney beans is in the pantry."

But! I use spelling and grammar check. Now, the one I'm familiar with is Microsoft Word's, mostly because it jumps up and down and gets in your face. I seriously wound up turning the fucker off because it was so annoying. Anyway, I'm sure most of them function pretty much the same.

I use spelling and grammar check. It tells me the sentence should read, "The can of kidney beans are in the pantry."

It is, of course, dead wrong. But it's only a computer; it can't be expected to look through my sentence for the antecedent of the verb, it just sees "beans is" and goes OMG WRONG.

The thing is, I didn't say "the kidney beans is in the pantry". If I had, then grammar check would be right; but I didn't. I said "the can is in the pantry".

And this is my theory: because spelling and grammar check always does this, and because the business community in general has started using spelling and grammar check in place of actual human proofreading whenever possible (because it saves money if you don't have to pay someone to edit your stuff!), we now see this shit happening in advertisements all the fucking time.

I can't prove that it's because of spelling and grammar check. But I am about 99% sure that it is.

Also chapping my ass grammatically at the moment: Fuck you, Subaru. "It's what makes a Subaru, a Subaru." There is no earthly reason to put a comma in that sentence. Other companies have started doing it too! I wish I could remember what it was off the top of my head; I don't know. But earlier today I saw a commercial for some company and they had a slogan like, "Making a house, a home." It wasn't that, but you see what I'm saying. I mean, okay, I can kind of give Subaru the benefit of the doubt in that I know they're doing it because they think it looks funny to have "a Subaru a Subaru" right next to each other like that. (It doesn't, it's fine, but I know that's their reason.) But this other company? It was definitely two different words. It wasn't "an X an X", it was "an X a Y". And that's just bullshit.
slythwolf: Some unlucky soul has an incomplete Pai Sho set. (Default)
People who use line breaks as periods
Instead of using the correct punctuation to end a sentence, these people just press Enter
I think they are getting it from text messaging or something
It's really beginning to piss me off

See what I mean? Annoying and hard to read. If my screen size or the settings I'm using on a given message board mean that your line would have ended there anyway, I can't tell where the ends of your sentences are and it just creates a really weird flow. I keep having to go back and reread things because I don't understand where the breaks are.

Especially egregious are the people who use periods some of the time and line breaks the resr. Like, I can tell you know how to use a period and where to find it on your keyboard, so DO IT.

Especially especially egregious are the people who use line breaks instead of question marks. Oddly enough, these same people remember to put in the exclamation points!(!!!!)

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